Hey Reader,

It feels strange to be writing this.

As someone who writes about entrepreneurship, it may seem I have everything figured out. (*Emphasis on seem*)

The truth is I don’t.

I’m at a crossroads in my life, and decisions are flying at me fast, like buying my first property, getting a work visa, and tying the knot - all whilst navigating self-employment.

Sure, my life is great. I have a great relationship. I love what I do for work. But it’s exhausting, and I’m worried I’ve lost my mojo.

This moment was probably inevitable

I’ve been writing online for three years.

At the end of 2022, I quit my job in SEO to do this full-time.

Before quitting my job, writing was my hobby. It was basically therapy in disguise. It helped me let go of my teenage angst.

And it isn’t that becoming a full-time writer has killed my love of writing. It's just changed things. Writing is now work. And like any job, it has its sources of anxiety and frustration.

I love it.

But it’s still work.

After quitting my 9–5, my life became this wide-open thing with no rules, no work calendar, and no meetings.

Most of my communication with clients is over email and Slack. I haven’t even spoken to two of my clients on the phone.

Initially, it was exhilarating. Yet I knew this type of freedom was dangerous and shouldn’t be taken for granted.

So my day-to-day existence has become monk-like and regimented - but on my own terms. I wake up. Meditate. Eat breakfast. Start working and switch off around 12pm to hit the gym.

Each day is a handful of writing sprints, with other things to break up any creeping monotony.

I’m grateful for the goodness in my life, but the monotony is sucking my life away. I feel lethargic. Nothing seems to excite me. I find myself writing about the same old sh*t over and over again.

I hit most of my 2023 goals.

And I feel burnt out.

Where did I go wrong?

One of my 9–5 friends recently asked me how much time I have off over Christmas. “I guess I’ll take a couple of weeks off. I haven’t really thought about it.”

He smiled wistfully. “You’re living the dream, mate.”

Earlier this year, I would have agreed. I get to work from anywhere, anytime. I get to hike in the afternoons with friends. I’m making the sort of money I used to dream about.

But there’s something nagging away at me.

I feel like I’ve achieved everything I set out to achieve, and I’m pining for something more meaningful. Something more challenging. It’s cool to write about making money online as a 20-something, but I don’t want to be like those 44-year-old men you see at nightclubs dancing all by themselves.

I’m at a plateau. I need a fresh challenge.

I’m also longing for a sense of community. This is one of the things I loved about the 30-Day Writing Challenge. It’s demoralising to spend hours on an article and publish it into a void, only for you to hear your echo.

My greatest fear of all?

Settling down.

To me, this feels like death.

What next?

Do I need a new hobby? To spend time away from my computer screen? To reconnect with things that make me happy?

Maybe. Probably. I have no idea.

There’s a good chance these doubts about work will wash away when I jump off my laptop.

Or at least I hope so.

There’s also a chance I need to rethink things in 2024. It’s not that I dislike my work. Far from it. I’m lucky that I get to type words on the internet for a living.

It’s just that being comfortable makes me uneasy. Like a bomb that could explode any second. When life is rosy, you’ve got more to lose, and that scares me.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I just feel burnt out - and that’s okay. I’m trying to give myself some grace.

I wanted to share this as a reminder that if you're comparing yourself to other people, you might not know their full stories. And they might be hiding the not-so-glamourous parts.

So thanks for being here, and I’ll report back in the new year. I'm going to take some much-needed time off.

See you in 2024! :)

Scott

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